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Thursday, December 31, 2015

Ringing in the New Year


Denim: The best way to ring in the new year is with friends, don't you think, sir?
Pocket: I always try to, Cadet.
Denim: That may prove difficult, if you've consumed too many holiday goodies.
Pocket: Especially when you combine egg nog and fudge.
Denim: Truly a dangerous combination.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Encouraging New Talents


Denim: Mr Bean likes my drawing. Do you, sir?
Pocket: Of course. For your first drawing, it's most impressive.
Denim: Thanks so much for the sketch pad.
Pocket: No problem. A wise Dalek encourages his friends to develop new talents.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Mr Bean & Fudge


Denim: Wow! Festive fudge, courtesy of the famous TV personality, Mr Bean!
Pocket: He doesn't say a lot, does he?
Denim: Once we stuck into this fudge, we probably won't either.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Hanging Out on the Tree


Pocket: Ooh, look! Finally, we've got a Christmas Tree!


Denim: After an arduous journey, what a wonderful place to rest one's weary Dalekanium-yarn-based self-contained, life-sustaining, travel machine.
Pocket: Now try saying that three times fast!
Denim: Find me some delicious yuletide treats, and I'll consider it.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

The Season of Giving: Aftermath


Pocket: Do you think he's alive?
Denim: I hear groaning, sir.
Pocket: I tried to warn him of the dangers of overindulgence.
Denim: You did, sir. You were most explicit.




Denim: Sir, do you think we should help him avoid further pain?
Pocket: It seems the kindest thing we can do, under the circumstances.

Friday, December 25, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 25


Pocket: On behalf of the entire household, we would like to give you this special gift.
Christmas: Thank you so much. I'm overwhelmed!
Denim: You know, if it's too much for you--
Christmas: No, no, I'm fine. The surprise is most welcome, that's all. I look forward to devouring your kind gift.
Denim: Warning: Overconfidence Alert! Overconfidence Alert!! Overconfidence Alert!!!
Pocket: You know, the cadet may be right. Perhaps we should remain to help you out, should you require assistance in devouring this special treat.
Christmas: Trust me. I know how to pace myself. 
Pocket: But you don't even know what it is, yet.
Christmas: Optical sensors instantly read through the wrapping paper. It's a pound of See's chocolates!
Pocket: I knew we should have gotten the more festive wrapping paper.
Denim: But sir, you said the white was more classic--
Pocket: Agreed, but--
Denim: And you really liked how it set off the red--
Pocket: Yes, thank you, cadet. Christmas, we'll be nearby, just in case you require assistance.
Christmas: Rest assured, your willingness to help me out shall not be forgotten.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 24


Christmas: Sorry, guys. I had a Yorkie bar to give you, but I had to give it to the Cybermen instead.
K-9 Mark 2: Understood. Cybermen threats can terrify the bravest Dalek.
K-9 Mark 3: Inquiry: Why would you give us a Yorkie bar?
Christmas: Well, you two are dogs...
K-9 Mark 2: Robot dogs.
Christmas: And a Yorkie is a type of dog...
K-9 Mark 2: Not a model of robot dog.
Christmas: Hey, I was trying, okay?
K-9 Mark 3: Your attempt demonstrates thoughtfulness and creativity, but apologies are unnecessary.
K-9 Mark 2: They are?
K-9 Mark 3: Sensors detect 14.1 ounces of dark chocolate, far more than in a Yorkie bar. We can put the abundance to multiple uses. We can devour some, use some to make chocolate robot-dog biscuits, and still give a sizable portion to Master's Belgian friend Hercule Poirot.
K-9 Mark 2: The famous detective would like that, wouldn't he?
K-9 Mark 3: We just need a decorative box to put his gift-chocolate in. Oh, and since he's so particular, this time let's make sure it's got a matching top. Otherwise, the present might be involved in a murder, the detective's Human friend Agatha Christie might write a story about the murder, and then we'd never hear the end of it. 
K-9 Mark 2: Given all that work, and the dangers involved, instead of giving the chocolate to a Human detective, we could just give it to K-9 Mark 1.
K-9 Mark 3: Once again, the wisdom of the K-9 series is demonstrated for all to see.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 23


Christmas: Have I ever told you how much I admire your Lego work?
Red: Thanks. It helps to have a grasping appendage, as opposed to one that sucks.
Christmas: Do you think you'll have any trouble grasping these white chocolate peppermint M&Ms?
Red: Actually, I was thinking they might make good building materials for my next creation. 
Christmas: And what might that be?
Red: I'd rather not say until it's finished.
Christmas: I understand. You artists are so secretive.
Red: Still, if you hear of any hot fudge going spare, I could use it for an adhesive.
Christmas: How about warm taffy? Or Marshmellow Creme?
Red: You're an ideas guy. I like that. How would you like to be my assistant?
Christmas: Sorry. Once the gift-giving season is over, I'm taking a vacation!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 22


Spider-Dalek: What made you think I might like a white chocolate Crunch bar?
Christmas: Well, it's got red and blue on the casing, just like you...
Spider-Dalek: True...
Christmas: And its white chocolate reminds me of the white sticky webs you shoot.
Spider-Dalek: Ah, I'm touched, Christmas-dude. Thanks a lot. I'm really grateful!
Christmas: So grateful that you won't kill Gwen Stacey's dad in the new Marvel Universe?
Spider-Dalek: I never killed Gwen Stacey's dad! That's a malicious rumor!
Christmas: But according to the Daily Bugle, you're New York City's foremost villain!
Spider-Dalek: That's libel. Or slander. Or...it's just untrue, okay? You can't believe everything you read, unless what you read is that Spider-Dalek Is A Good Dalek. You can believe that!
Christmas: Thanks. That really cleared up the controversy for me. Now, about you killing the Green Goblin--
Spider-Dalek: Sorry Christmas, I've gotta go now. You know how it is: people to save, white chocolate Crunch bars to eat...
Christmas: Now that I completely understand.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 21


Christmas: As the newest addition to our household, we don't know you too well yet. But with a name like Imperial, I thought you might enjoy this minty Candy Cane Roca.



Davros: I warn you, Imperial, do not be beguiled by these other Daleks. The giving and accepting of gifts is a uniquely Human weakness.
Imperial: Oh, I don't think these can be all that harmful sir. My Olfactory sensors detect chocolate minty delight, and these festive wrappings are really getting me in the holiday spirit.
Davros: I order you not to accept this gift! I am your maker, and you will obey me!!
Christmas: Shall we put him back in cryogenic sleep for another few centuries?
Imperial: He does sound awful cranky, doesn't he?

Sunday, December 20, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 20


Pinky: Oh, thank you so much for this Lindt milk chocolate truffle bar!
Christmas: Just don't let me catch you eating at the piano. We must keep those keys clean for Master.
Captain Scarlet: What a crumby thing to say!

Saturday, December 19, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 19


Rusty: A whole roll of McVitie's Dark Chocolate Digestives for me? Sweet!
Christmas: You know, you may find that you make a lot of new friends this year.



Count Dalekula: I say, Rusty, would you like to attend a reading of a cozy horror or mystery story?
Rusty: Oh yes, please!
Christmas: That's one.

Friday, December 18, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 18


Count Dalekula: Ah, Bourbon Creams! What a wonderful way to relax and sink into a cozy horror story by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, or even a cozy mystery by Agatha Christie!
Christmas: Shall I get the tea started?
Count Dalekula: Please do. I could Exterminate a cuppa right about now.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 17


Christmas: Director Fury, Agent Coulson, I'd like to thank you for all your meritorious service in saving the world against all threats, both foreign and domestic.
Fury: And to do this, you're giving us a Girl Scouts Crunch Bar?
Coulson: Hang on, sir. It's flavored with Caramel and Coconut, just like the Samoa cookies you've always liked.*
Fury: Still, he's associating S.H.I.E.L.D. with the Girl Scouts!
Coulson: They do operate on a quasi-military structure.
Fury: The term Girl Scouts doesn't exactly inspire fear or respect like S.H.I.E.L.D. does though.
Coulson: Oh, I don't know. They do sell a lot of cookies each year, so they must be doing something right.



Fury: Very well. Tell Christmas Dalek that his present is adequate for this year.
Coulson: I think he's gone, sir.
Fury: Come to think of it, he did look as if he was trying to hide behind this candy bar. 
Coulson: It's you, sir. He's afraid of you, while he's awed by S.H.I.E.L.D.'s accomplishments.
Fury: Ah, the most satisfying present of all.

*The Girl Scouts now label their cookies as Caramel Delights. Perhaps in addition to S.H.I.E.L.D., they're also afraid of incurring the wrath of the sovereign Samoan island nation?

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 16


Christmas: You two did a terrific job with that sunflower for artist. 
Pepper: Salt made the design, I just helped her execute it.
Salt: Don't be so modest. Like so many great accomplishments, it was a team effort.
Christmas: In any case, he really loved his present. And that brings me to your present!
Pepper: A trip back to Edwards Air Force Base? I loved seeing all those planes!
Salt: You also enjoyed seeing the SR-71 Blackbirds.
Pepper: That's true.
Salt: And hiking in Red Rock Canyon.
Pepper: That was a special trip. What did you enjoy most?
Salt: Knitting our cyberman hot pad in the evening, while Master read us stories about Conan the Barbarian by author Robert E Howard. They made me want to exterminate evil wizards like Thoth-Amon and Tsotha-Lanti, or conspiring rulers like Amalrus and Strabonus.
Pepper: Yes, Exterminate all of Conan's Enemies!
Salt: Exterminate, Exterminate, EXTERMINATE all Hyborian fiends!!!



Christmas: Yes, well, uh, good Christmas spirit, you too. I'm sorry I can't send you off on another trip just yet. Still, I'd like to speed you on your merry knitting way with a few Cadbury Crunchie bars. They're light honeycomb inside a thin chocolate coating, so they should provide lots of energy for knitting Christmas presents.
Pepper: Thank you. I'm overwhelmed.
Salt: I'm going to design an extra special present for you this year. How would you like a broadsword for Christmas?
Christmas: Yes, well, uh...

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 15


Christmas: Astro, we haven't seen much of you this year. Any interesting space missions you can share with us?
Astro: No, I was marooned on Mars all year, when my team left without me.
Christmas: That's unfortunate. Did they give a reason for abandoning you?
Astro: They talked about invading Titan, but personally I think they just wandered down to the pub on Pluto.
Christmas: I guess that means that instead of indulging in a generous selection of pub grub, you subsisted on prepackaged space rations all year.
Astro: There's nothing wrong with space rations. Their condensed nutrition gives a Dalek everything he needs.



Christmas: In that case, here's something that you might enjoy. It's a dense bar of milk chocolate packed with a soft, chewy nougat top and a crunchy cereal bottom.
Astro: Sounds great! I don't suppose you could throw in a little drinky as well?
Christmas: Sorry.
Astro: How about ketchup? Astronauts love ketchup!
Christmas: I'll see what I can do.

Monday, December 14, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 14


Christmas: Oh hi, Stan and Lee. What's up?
Stan: We heard you were handing out presents. 
Lee: Yeah, and we want ours!
Christmas: But you're not Daleks! Stan, you even proudly wear a badge, proclaiming that you're not a Dalek!
Stan: That didn't seem to matter where Groot was concerned.
Lee: And you gave the Brigadier a present too!
Christmas: Oh, very well. I'm just not sure what I can offer you. 
Stan: Resistance is useless!
Lee: Submit to our demands, or prepare to be cyber-conditioned!



Christmas: Uh, on behalf of your...oh, never mind. I'll have to give you the K-9s' present. Here, have a Yorkie bar. That is, if you can handle biscuit and raisin flavor.
Stan: Cybermen can handle biscuit and raisin. 
Lee: After all, Cybermen can dictate terms to Daleks.
Christmas: Sad, but true. 
Stan: Thank you for your kind and generous gift.
Lee: Agreed. Your thoughtfulness will not go unnoticed by the Cyber race.
Christmas: Well, that's a relief. 

Sunday, December 13, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 13


Christmas: Here's a prezzie you might like. It's called a Wispa Gold. Reportedly, it has a cheeky caramel layer. Do you think you can handle it?
Gold: I'm a Dalek! Do I look like I've got hands?
Christmas: No, but you certainly are cheeky.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 12


Christmas: I realize this is a little old now--
Autumn: Incorrect! Autumn never gets old! And neither does delicious Autumn Mix.
Christmas: In that case, I'm happy to give you this bag. One inquiry: If it never gets old, why does it utilize artificial flavor?
Autumn: You know, it is possible to make one too many inquiries.

Friday, December 11, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 11


Christmas: Thor, you've had a tough time this year. You've had to watch your namesake get his arm cut off, and lost the mastery of Mjolnir. 
Thor: No I haven't. Mjolnir's right here. See, I'm wielding it.
Christmas: But aren't you worried about a female Thor Dalek coming along and--


Thor: Let's get one thing straight right now. I am worthy! I Am Worthy!! I AM WORTHY!!!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 10


Christmas: Artist, we love all your drawings and paintings. You inspire us so much every day.
Artist: Thanks. Uh...
Christmas: I know, it's coming. They just have to finish it. They worked really hard on it. They're nearly finished, really.
Artist: My olfactory sensors record no baking aromas. Heat sensors fail to detect the oven has been used recently.
Christmas: Oh, I think you'll like this better than candy or cookies.



Artist: Salt and Pepper, you knitted this Sunflower just for me? I shall treasure it forever!
Christmas: More than a piece of Dairy Fudge, a Footie Bar, or a freshly baked cookie?
Artist: Shh.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 9


Christmas: Groot, in your own special way, you've stormed the thresholds of our lives, and found a permanent place in our hearts. Please accept this selection of English Toffees and our thanks.
Groot: I am Groot!
Christmas: I agree completely.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 8


Brigadier: What? You've called me away from my duties simply to give me a bag of candy?
Christmas: I think you'll find it worth your time, sir.


Brigadier: Jelly Babies! How did you know I've been missing those?
Christmas: The Doctor may have left you during his fourth incarnation, but not before he gave you a taste for these magnificent treats. Am I right, sir?
Brigadier: Yes, I always appreciated how he shared them with others. Would you care for a Jelly Baby, Christmas?
Christmas: I'd be honored, sir.

Monday, December 7, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 7


Pocket: I heard you were giving out presents.
Christmas: Yes, we couldn't let the first week of December go by without honoring you, our first and best Dalek.
Pocket: My, what an honor. Do you mind if I bring in the cadet to help me unwrap it?
Christmas: Not in the least.



Pocket: A Chocolate Chip cookie from Panera Bread! I'm overcome with your generosity!
Denim: Sir, perhaps it would help if I ate it down to a less unwieldy size?
Pocket: I'm not that overcome, Cadet. Still, I think a little apportioning might be in order.
Christmas: Sharing and Volunteerism. What a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas!
Denim: Christmas certainly likes to get in the last word. Doesn't that bother you, sir?
Pocket: Not in the least, Cadet. Not in the least.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 6


Supreme: Wow, that's a large bag. 
Christmas: Yes, we want to know how much we appreciate you keeping us all in line.


Supreme: Olfactory sensors detect rich flavor. Compositional analysis suggests speech capability will decline during consumption. That may impair my ability to give orders.
Christmas: Don't worry about it. We're willing to make that sacrifice for you.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 5


Captain Skaro: I was wondering if you'd have another Marvel sucker for me.
Christmas: Yes, we're all suckers for Marvel superheroes around here. But that shouldn't undermine how we admire your defense of freedom and your fight for the dignity of all people everywhere.



Captain Skaro: Okay, it's not the most original idea. But you've got to love Christmas. He's always knows the right thing to say. That's a real gift. 

Friday, December 4, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 4


Christmas: In honor of your strategic services to us over the years, we wish to give you this special cookie.
Rex: A Wagon Wheel? One of Master & Mistress' premier favorites?
Christmas: Yes, they do love the chocolatey-marshmellowy-jammie flavor, don't they?



Rex: It's awfully big. Do you mind if I share it with others?
Christmas: That sounds like a great strategy.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 3


Christmas: Here's a little taste of England for you, just to let you know you're appreciated.
Gray: But Master & Mistress discovered Rocky bars on their 2013 trip, when I had to stay home and allow Rex, Artist, and K-9 accompany them.
Christmas: I know. Sometimes loving others necessitates sacrifice.



Gray: I don't know how in the world I'm going to eat this, now that you've gotten me all choked up.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 2


Christmas: For a Doctor who thinks that wearing a Fez is cool, here's a little treat called a Footie Break.
Doctor: Football...Footie...Soccer... Whatever you want to call it, they're all cool.


Doctor: Actually, my fifth incarnation thought that Cricket was cool. You wouldn't happen to have any cricket-themed presents on you, would you?
Christmas: No, sorry.
Doctor: Custard and fish fingers?
Christmas: No, sorry.
Doctor: Jelly Babies?
Christmas: If you don't want--
Doctor: Settle down, Christmas, relax! Of course I like this Footie break. It's...nearly as cool as a Fez.
Christmas: That's it! Give it back!
Doctor: Say, is that the TARDIS I hear materializing nearby? Sorry, Christmas, gotta go. Thanks for the prezzy!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The Season of Giving: Day 1


Christmas: Hulk, here's a little something to help you celebrate the season.
Hulk: Hulk like sucker! Hulk smash sucker!
Christmas: Smash it all you like. Just remember we are giving this to you because you hold a special place in our hearts.


Hulk: Hulk honored. Maybe Hulk not smash Hulk Sucker.