Cruelty In Chocolate

K-9: I see you've returned with the essentials. What should we eat first?
Rex: I'm afraid you can only eat the licorice allsorts, K-9.
K-9: Why? Chocolate should pose no danger to robot dogs.
Rex: Perhaps, but better safe than sorry.
K-9: So Daleks will be consuming all the chocolate?
Rex: Negative. Daleks will be exterminating Exterminating EXTERMINATING the chocolate.
K-9: Daleks are mean.
Rex: Love is a harsh mistress.

K-9 Versus Marley

Rex: Halt! You will not eat the Humans' cornbread!
K-9: Why not? I'm part of the family.
Rex: Yes, but you're a robot dog. You eat robot dog food.
K-9: I'm more than a robot dog. I am an irresistible force!
Rex: I should have known letting you watch "Marley & Me" was a mistake.

A Tricky Conversation

Rex: Query. What's so important about this chunk of celestial debris?
K-9: It's not an asteroid. It's an ammonoid.
Rex: It's not that cold. If it's not frozen, how could they transform the gas into a solid?
K-9: Correction. I said ammonoid, not ammonia. 
Rex: So its an alien then.
K-9: Negative. It's a fossilized shell, named by Human writer Pliny the Elder, after an Egyptian god.
Rex: Query. If the Human was called Pliny the Elder, what was the Egyptian god called? Pliny the Exalted? Pliny the Supreme? Pliny the--
K-9: Correction. Pliny named the shells after the Egyptian god Ammon.
Rex: I see. Say, I like beach combing. I could write books about what I find, and be remembered like this Human Pliny.
K-9: You won't find a shell like this. It's from an extinct sea creature.
Rex: Shame. We could use something like this to liven up the master's office.
K-9: Agreed. He could use it as a paper weight.
Rex: It'd be a real conversation starter. What caused all the interesting patterns?
K-9: The intricate design was caused by sexual dimorphism.
Rex: Excuse me?
K-9: I said, the intricate design was caused by sexual--
Rex: As I'm destined to be remembered for my great writings, and associated with the gods, I order you to delete that portion of the official analysis from the records.
K-9: Who did you say was going to be the great writer?
Rex: Savor your place in history. Behind every great writer is a good researcher and secretary.

A Friendly Gesture

Unhand me, foul beast!

Didn't you read the sign? No Touching!

I see that look in your eye, and it has nothing to do with preservation!

Okay, this is definitely exceeding my comfort level.

The Mysteries of Preservation

Rex: So Humans preserve what they need, and Exterminate everything else?
K-9: Correct, Dalek.
Rex: And Humans need dinosaurs, to teach them about Earth history?
K-9: Correct, Dalek.
Rex: Then why are the museum staff Exterminating that dinosaur?
K-9: Humans explore supernatural mysteries, as well as scientific ones. 

Rex: So the museum staff are also practitioners of magic?
K-9: Correct, Dalek. After they saw him in two, they'll put him back together again.

Preservation And Extermination

Rex: Donate? Donate!?! 
K-9: It's what humans do.
Rex: Daleks exterminate! Daleks do not donate!
K-9: You can't always exterminate. Sometimes, it's important to preserve.
Rex: Exterminate and preserve? The two concepts are mutually exclusive!
K-9: Illogical. Everyone preserves what they need, and exterminates everything else.
Rex: What? You mean everyone exterminates?
K-9: Correct. Daleks just talk about it all the time, that's all.
Rex: Are you saying Daleks are windbags?
K-9: Incorrect. Daleks are full of much more than hot air.
Rex: I'd exterminate you if you'd ever let me win an argument.
K-9: You see! As you never can, you must preserve, preserve, Preserve Me!

Feeling Lost

Rex: Do you ever feel lost?
K-9: Correction: we are not lost.
Rex: As if you just don't fit in anywhere.
K-9: Specification: Exact location has been determined.
Rex: You feel like a stranger, and life seems without purpose.
K-9: Query: How can you feel purposeless?
Rex: Even a Dalek can grow to see the futility of an unending series of Exterminations. Exterminations! EXTERMINATIONS!!!
K-9: Analysis: I detect a change of mood.
Rex: Thanks for helping me find my way back.
K-9: Repetition: We were never lost.
Rex: Quiet, or I'll Exterminate you.
K-9: Yeah, right. You can try.

The Dangers of Egg Coloring: Part 2

Rex: Sir, I have another question about our coloring.
Artist: Not another one, please!
Rex: I think it's important.
Artist: Listen, I've given this a lot of thought. There's no need for you to worry about anything. I've selected pastel colors for our coloring. Don't worry about covering up the brown: it'll make a nice contrast with that pink. Take it slowly. Remember to build up your color slowly, and shift colors when you get tired of working with one. Above all, have fun. After all, that's the reason for pursuing any art project. Just free up your mind, and enjoy yourself.
Rex: Great advice. I still have a question, though.
Artist: Okay, fine. Shoot. I mean, go ahead and ask your question.
Rex: I was just wondering. Of all the mediums we have at our disposal, are Prismacolor pencils really the most appropriate choice for coloring these fragile, thin shelled eggs?
Artist: What? You think we should use watercolor pencils instead?

The Dangers of Egg Coloring: Part 1

Artist: So, are you ready to color those eggs?
Rex: I suppose so. I have one question, though.
Artist: Shoot.
Rex: You want me to shoot you?
Artist: No, that's just a Human ex--
Rex: Because I can fire on you if you wish. I can Exterminate you if you desire.
Artist: Uh, perhaps you should just ask your question.
Rex: I was just wondering why one of my eggs was brown.
Artist: You're not as used to coloring as me. I thought I'd give you a head start.
Rex: And you naturally thought I'd want to base an Easter egg in brown?
Artist: For Davros' sake! I was just trying to help. Just shoot me, will you!
Rex: All right, if you insist...

Mythology Vs Heresy

Thor: So, what did you think of The First Book of Swords?
Rex: Author Fred Saberhagen introduces us to the mythical god Vulcan, who fashions twelve swords with the aid of Humans. Many years later, we meet two people who have found or inherited these swords. There's an evil Duke who has stolen another, and wishes to take all the others by force. But then, before fighting off the evil Duke, the protagonists swap their swords.
Thor: That sounds like an odd strategy.
Rex: That's what I thought. It's as if you voluntarily swapped your hammer with Jane Foster, and started using a sword instead.
Thor: I would never do that.
Rex: But you did. In the recent comics--
Thor: I would never do that! If the comics say otherwise, they're heresy! 
Rex: Actually, the comics don't say you willingly laid down Mjolnir. They claim your hammer abandoned you, because you were no longer worthy to wield it.
Thor: Thor no longer worthy? Heresy!! Thor Dalek will exterminate all heresy! Anyone who reads comics claiming Thor is not worthy will also be exterminated! Exterminate Heresy! Exterminate Heretics!! EXTERMINATE ALL SOURCES OF HERESY!!!

The Hobbit Conundrum

Rex: So what did you think of the Extended Edition of "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey."
Gray: I thought the movie adaptation flowed better with the additional scenes.
Rex: As a Strategy Dalek, I found the commentary interesting. The filmmakers constantly spoke about how much they enjoyed each single aspect of J.R.R. Tolkien's novel. Then they explained why they felt compelled to change nearly every single aspect of J.R.R. Tolkien's novel.
Gray: Yes, it's truly magical how many people love J.R.R. Tolkien's novel. But then, the process of making movies is an entirely different form of magic.

The Season of Giving: Day 4

Christmas: In honor of your strategic services to us over the years, we wish to give you this special cookie.
Rex: A Wagon Wheel? One of Master & Mistress' premier favorites?
Christmas: Yes, they do love the chocolatey-marshmellowy-jammie flavor, don't they?

Rex: It's awfully big. Do you mind if I share it with others?
Christmas: That sounds like a great strategy.

The Seduction of the Brigadier

Red: Look, it's the Brigadier. We've got him right where we always wanted him. He's tied up and frozen in Carbonite. 
Rex: Good. He's always been our staunchest enemy. It's good to see him contained.
Red: Maybe if we released him, he'd feel grateful. Then we could turn him over to our side.
Rex: Good strategic thinking, Red. It's worth a try.

Brigadier: Who goes there? What's happening? Why's my vision so fuzzy?
Red: You've got Carbon sickness. Don't worry, your vision will clear with time.
Rex: We awakened you because we want to be your friends.
Brigadier: You can't fool me! I know Dalek voices when I hear them.
Red: Perhaps some familiar voices will convince him.
Rex: Good strategic suggestion, Red.

Third Doctor: I say old chap, you can put down your gun. These Daleks aren't like the ones we fought in U.N.I.T.* We can coexist peaceably with them.
K-9: Master Doctor is correct, Brigadier. Knitted Daleks can be your friends.
Brigadier: What nonsense! The only good Dalek is a dead Dalek.
Red: Sorry, Rex. I guess all my strategic suggestions failed.
Rex: Don't Exterminate yourself yet, Red. I've got an idea.

Brigadier: What's that delightful aroma?
Rex: It's the Mistress' coffee cake. You're welcome to a piece, if you put down your gun.
Third Doctor: It really is excellent, old chap.
Brigadier: Well, maybe I'll let you talk me into negotiating a peaceful settlement with the Daleks this time. First things first, Doctor. Pass me a slice of that coffee cake.
Red: Good call, Rex.
Rex: They don't call me the strategy Dalek for nothing.

* United Nations Intelligence Taskforce

The Dinosaurs of Chuck E Cheese

Gray: Why do we need to take a break?
Rex: We must rebuild our concentration and energy reserves to perform at maximum effectiveness. 
Gray: Very well. If your strategy helps me break the bank on Skee Ball, I'll won't complain.

Gray: Look what I got us, for all the tickets I won playing Skee Ball!
Rex: Oh my...um...I don't suppose you folks are outdoors-dinosaurs?
Gray: Don't be silly! They can share Master & Mistress' house with us!
Rex: Ah... How...wonderful.

Gray: Great games, tantalizing foodstuffs, and dinosaurs: this Dalek loves Chuck E Cheese!
Rex: Agreed. This unit loves Chuck E Cheese too!

Related Dragon Cache entry
The Daleks of Chuck E Cheese

Davros Versus Terry Nation

Davros: Daleks: what are you doing?
Rex: Preparations underway to light candle, Supreme Leader.
Davros: This room possesses adequate lighting. Candle illumination is unnecessary.
Red: Today is the birthday of the creator. We must honor him.
Davros: I am your creator!
Rex: With respect, Supreme Leader, you merely accelerated our rate of mutation, and developed our travel machines. You are not the Creator.

Davros: I forbid you to believe in this Myth of a Creator. You will not light that candle!
No, stop that! I forbid you to sing!

Rex & Red:

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday, Terry Nation,

Happy Birthday to you!"

Davros: This ceremony is illogical. It defies science and reason! You will erase this belief from your data banks, and desist from such following such ancient and senseless customs!

Davros: What? For me? My own slice of the birthday donut?

Perhaps some customs and beliefs should be upheld. Rather than catering to weak emotions, they remind us of our glorious heritage, and what wonderful beings we are. Very well, I salute you, Terry Nation. Perhaps you really did create me: great, glorious, and magnificent me!

After all, could a superior being of my vast intellect and extraordinary good looks have come into being by random chance? I think not!

Dalek Masterpiece

Artist: It is here, it is here, come look, it is finally here. 

Rex & Denim: What is it?

Artist: A masterpiece!!

Richly Blessed

Denim: Is it just me, or does it feel like someone's really looking after us?
Rex: Face it: we are richly blessed.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas

the Daleks celebrate

Ten Daleks wrapping presents.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas

the Daleks celebrate

Nine Daleks Shopping
Pocket: What shall we buy our Master this year?

On the Fourth day of Christmas

the Daleks celebrate

Four Robot Dogs