The Nature of Ultimate Evil

Cadet: Sir, why is Boba Fett so highly regarded by Star Wars fans?
Pocket: Because George Lucas created him as the personification of ultimate evil.
Cadet: Ultimate evil? How can that be? He doesn't even polish his armor?
Pocket: That's what happens when you're evil. You lose all interest in housecleaning.

The Hunger That Drives Our Dreams

Denim: Sir, why do sugar plum cakes dance in our dreams?
Pocket: Because we're looking forward so much to the Christmas custard, Cadet.

Not Quite Threatening Enough

Shadow: I can't believe this is our last moment in England.
K-9: Not quite. They don't begin boarding for an hour yet.
Shadow: Still, we've had such a wonderful time!
K-9: Yes, but everything ends eventually.
Shadow: I suppose. Still, I want to savor our last moments here.
K-9: Not me. I want to eat up, and get to the gate.
Shadow: What's the hurry?
K-9: When they call for pre-boarding, I want to be first in line.
Shadow: You're just angry they made us ride with the cargo last time.
K-9: Well, I did think you could have threatened to Exterminate them more convincingly.
Shadow: Perhaps the tea can bolster my threatening presence.

When Something Is Lacking

Shadow: Finally! British Fish and Chips!
K-9: Now if only they had ketchup.
Shadow: Still, that unique flavor of British fish you can't get in America.
K-9: I still think it would be better with ketchup.
Shadow: You can buy a packet of ketchup at the counter.
K-9: It's not real ketchup. It tastes different somehow.
Shadow: So you want an authentic British meal with an American condiment?
K-9: Either that, or with a pickled onion.

Tea Time & Cathedrals

Shadow: What is it about tea time and Cathedrals? 
K-9: They do seem to go together, don't they?
Shadow: I suppose, after a morning of philosophical discussion...
K-9: Or Bible teachings...
Shadow: Or learning about the architecture of the buildings...
K-9: The history of how worship styles changed through the centuries...
Shadow: Studying the famous people associated with them...
K-9: Admiring the artistry of the stain glass windows, paintings, wood carvings, tombs, plaques...
Shadow: Phew. I'm exhausted just thinking about all that.
K-9: Time for tea?
Shadow: Absolutely.

Of Miracles & Sushi

Shadow: Phew: This cake was tough to cut.
K-9: Yet definitely worth it. Now we have two slices to eat instead of one.
Shadow: Maybe that explains the feeding of the five thousand. Jesus split the fish and loaves into lots of little pieces, and presented them in a way that everyone was satisfied.
K-9: So you're saying that Jesus was a Sushi Chef?
Shadow: Possibly. Was the fish cooked?

A Reminder of Home

Shadow: I'm confused. 
K-9: I know.
Shadow: First I'm presented with the Barbecue Chicken Sandwich.
K-9: Then a Soda that claims lineage with San Diego.
Shadow: Why must I be inundated with American influences in England?
K-9: Well, there is the Belgian Bun. That gives the meal an International flavor.
Shadow: I guess Greggs must cater to Brits who don't want to eat British.
K-9: Or wayward travelers hungering for home.
Shadow: I'm glad we're above such base, Human emotions.
K-9: Agreed, Diabolical Killing Machine.
Shadow: Really? Enough already with the name-calling!
K-9: Sorry. It must be the Soda. The bubbles make me tipsy.

Talking Courgettes

Shadow: So a Courgette is the British term for a Zucchini?
K-9: Correct, Alien Killing Machine.
Shadow: But if a Zucchini grows a meter long, the Brits call it a Marrow?
K-9: Correct, Evil Computerized Villain.
Shadow: So depending on its size, the Brits could call this Courgette Cake a Marrow Cake?
K-9: Correct, World-Destroying Inhuman Monster.
Shadow: Stop calling me rotten names, or I Will Squash You! Squash You!! SQUASH YOU!!!
K-9: Squash doesn't have the same catchy ring as Exterminate, does it?
Shadow: Agreed. It definitely lacks an edge.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

K-9: Eggs?
Shadow: Tick.
K-9:: Sausage?
Shadow: Right.
K-9:: Bacon?
Shadow: Got it.
K-9:: Black Pudding?
Shadow: Absolutely.
K-9:: That's what Master needs. A hearty, healthy breakfast to get him going.
Shadow: Uh...yes.

Moderation Is The Key

Denim: Can't we just set out all the goodies now?
Autumn: No, keep 'em hungry. A little now, and...
Pocket: They'll soon be back for more.
Denim: That's a scary thought.
Autumn: That's what I'm here for.

Relaxing With Buffy the Vampire Slayer

K-9: You mean the witches burned hundreds of years ago in Salem, Massachusetts, return from the afterlife to possess the bodies of Buffy's friends?
Shadow: Don't forget about the horde of zombies that claw their way out of the ground to chase her into a truck stop diner.
K-9: That's what I always look for at this time of year. A little light reading.

Rabbit Logic

K-9: That does not compute. Why should I be too slow to understand your hare-brained schemes?

Lost in Snape Maltings

Shadow: K-9? Hello? Where are you? Honestly, I can't imagine why that dog wanted to come to Snape Maltings in the first place.

K-9: It's so beautiful out here. What a shame the Doctor and Romana left me in the TARDIS when they confronted the Power of Kroll. Say, I wonder where that Dalek went off to? He's always wandering off and getting lost.

A Belgian Bounty

Shadow: Brussels Sprouts and a Belgian Bun?
K-9: Master has an iron constitution.
Shadow: We could ease his digestive workload. I'm sure he wouldn't miss some of this icing.
K-9: You know, sometimes you hold water.
Shadow: Yeah, my yarn sure gets soggy when I go for a relaxing soak in a nice hot pot of tea.

Looking For Loki

K-9: I still don't understand why we couldn't have gotten the Doctor Who card game.
Shadow: I object to being categorized as a villain. 
K-9: It's illogical to be ashamed of your heritage.
Shadow: I'm not ashamed of who I am. I just reject easy labels. Now, do you want to see the next card or not?
K-9: Sure. I hope it's Thor, or better yet, Jane Foster. She reminds me of Sarah Jane Smith.
Shadow: I'm hoping it's Loki. He's a righteous dude.

A Fiery Brew

K-9: You drag me all the way here, and then all you offer me is light beer?
Shadow: I think you'll like it. It's a fiery brew.
K-9: I want to lubricate my components, not incinerate my circuits.
Shadow: Okay, I'll drink it.
K-9: Now you're just being illogical.

Hither And Yon

Shadow: If we had a boat, we could set sail for hither and yon.
K-9: I'm not sure about Hither, but this Yawn place sounds boring.

Robots: Do No Harm!

Shadow: What do you mean, you can't eat it?
K-9: I cannot harm a member of my kind.
Shadow: But it's not a real robot. It's only made of chocolate!
K-9: So if you saw a Dalek made of chocolate, you would consume it?
Shadow: Of course!
K-9: You are truly a soulless creature.
Shadow: You are too kind.

A Moment of Serenity

Ahhhh.

A Question of Illumination

K-9: How many Daleks does it take to change a Lighthouse bulb?
Shadow: It depends. Is the Doctor nearby?

Flavor With a You

Mmm. Handcooked Ham and English Mustard is so flavorful with a You.

A Rocky Road

Shadow: Look! It's a Rocky Road!
K-9: Relax. Everything will be fine, as long as we're together.
Shadow: What a kind thing to say, K-9!
K-9: Shh. I'm talking to the Rocky Road.

An Invitation

Would you care to join me?

No? 

Are you sure?

This could take awhile.

Seaside Humor

Warning: Object in view may be closer than it a-piers. 

Get it? A-piers?

Now laugh or I will exterminate you.

Loading Up on the Extras

Shadow: Care for a scone with your jam?
K-9: Don't start in on me: you're hogging the butter!

Holiday Punters

Will Exterminate For A Punt!

Will Exterminate For A Punt!!

Will Exterminate If I Don't Get A Punt!!!

Whirling Desserts

Shadow: Master? I don't understand. I thought we were going to eat English food.
K-9: Speak for yourself. I could really go for a whirl right now.

Using Your Power For Good

Spider-Dalek: Pepperoni Pizza, Extra Cheese, and prepaid tickets. I think we're ready to go see Spider-Man Homecoming.
Iron Dalek: What's to drink?
Spider-Dalek: I've packed a teapot and a pouch of Yorkshire Tea. I figure the counter staff can provide the hot water.
Iron Dalek: I doubt it. Cinema workers frown on you bringing in your own food.
Spider-Dalek: That may be true, but I find people are much more cooperative when you threaten them with extermination.
Iron Dalek: Good thinking. I knew I gave you that more powerful suit for a reason.

Beware Cuteness

Denim: So who's Spider-Man's new little friend, sir?
Pocket: That's the Vulture. And he's not Spider-Man's friend.
Denim: Why not? He's as cute as Spider-Man.
Pocket: Cuteness is no gauge of one's essential goodness, Cadet.
Denim: That's true enough, sir. I mean, look at us, we're cute and--
Pocket: What do you mean, true enough, Cadet? If you dare to question my word usage again, I'll have you demoted! Demoted!! DEMOTED!!!
Denim: Sir, have I ever told you how cute you are when you're angry?

With Great Power Comes Great Ambiguity

Spider-Dalek: Wow, thanks for the new, more powerful suit.
Iron Dalek: Just remember: no tackling evil super-villains for now.
Spider-Dalek: But I thought us Daleks were evil super-villains.
Iron Dalek: Yeah, we are. But we're the good evil super-villains.
Spider-Dalek You know, sometimes this evolving morality grows difficult to parse.
Iron Dalek: Just listen to me. I won't steer you wrong.
Spider-Dalek: Phew, that's a relief. I mean, if you can't trust your leaders to tell you what's right, who can you trust?

What's In Your Cargo Compartment?

Shadow: What do you mean, we have to ride with the cargo?
K-9: It's your own fault. If you wouldn't go around exterminating everyone...
Shadow: I don't exterminate everyone.
K-9: So, you're a selective exterminator?
Shadow: Exactly.

Mourning For Michael Bond

Denim: A bright light has been extinguished.
Pocket: A voice that brought joy to millions has been silenced.
Denim: You cry, Paddington. We won't exterminate you for your weakness.
Pocket: Mourning isn't a sign of weakness, but a proof of strength.

Top Banana

Pocket: One thing I love about travel is staying in a nice hotel.
Denim: Especially one that serves free breakfast.
Pocket: It's so nice to be treated like a top banana.
Denim: Oh sir.
Pocket: What?
Denim: That's bad. That's just...really bad.
Pocket: Well, don't worry about it. The dining room's still open. We can always hurry back down and get a replacement fruit.

One Intense World

Pocket: What can you see, Cadet?
Denim: I can't see, sir. The sun's so bright it's blinding my ocular sensors.
Pocket: That's the problem with planning an outing. You get everything all prepared, and then the sun shines!

Brain Food

Denim: Ooh, not that stuff again.
Pocket, It's brain food, Cadet.
Denim: I suppose it does add a little color to one's day.
Pocket: Just like us.

The Old Purple Matter

Denim: I'm afraid to ask what this is, sir.
Pocket: It's a Human brain, of course.
Denim: That's disgusting, sir.
Pocket: Only if a person don't use it, Cadet.

Custard Again?

Denim: Custard again, sir?
Pocket: Affirmative, Cadet. Rich, creamy, delicious custard.
Denim: But it's summer. Or at least it's warm enough for ice cream.
Pocket: You always want ice cream. Even in winter.
Denim: Affirmative. Ice cream rules.

In Response to Sonnet 18

Pocket: No rough winds had better shake these darling buds on this fine summer's day of May, or they'll get exterminated Exterminated EXTERMINATED!!!

An Ode To Robbert Herrick

Pocket: "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,"
Denim: "Old time is still a-flying;
Pocket: "And this same flower that smiles today
Denim: "Tomorrow will be exterminated Exterminated EXTERMINATED!!!"

Going Geometric

Pocket: I like it, Cadet. But what's it supposed to represent?
Denim: Art doesn't have to represent anything to affect you, sir. It just is.