Rick Riordan's Most Charming Character

Blue: My favorite character in Rick Riordan's The Heroes of Olympus series is Piper.
Rusty: Why's that?
Christmas: Give me back my hat.
Blue: I love how she shoots monsters with food from her cornucopia.
Rusty: I enjoyed those scenes too.
Christmas: Give me back my hat, Blue.
Blue: Later, Christmas. I'm having an important conversation with Rusty.
Rusty: Personally, I like how Leo can build anything, and control fire.
Blue: Leo's awesome, but he can't beat Piper's charmspeak.
Rusty: The way he builds his dragon and flying ship reminds me of my talent for invention.
Blue: Perhaps that's why I love Piper. I can be very convincing too.
Rusty: As convincing as Piper? Really?
Christmas: No more waiting! Blue, give me my hat now, or I'll Exterminate you!
Blue: By Aphrodite! You don't need this hat, Christmas.
Christmas: I don't need this hat.
Blue: You will let me keep this hat.
Christmas: I will let you keep that hat.
Blue: You will not interrupt our important discussion again.
Christmas: I will not interrupt your important discussion again.
Rusty: On second thought, Piper might just be my favorite new character too.

Golf With Tulips

Denim: Hooray! The Tulips are out of the fridge.
Pocket: Now it's time to plant them.
 

Denim: Sir, all this work will seriously deplete my energy reserves.
Pocket: If it helps, think of planting bulbs as putting.

Denim: Look sir, a hole-in-one!
Pocket: Imagine how twenty hole-in-ones will improve our Golf averages.

Sweet Disharmony

Rusty: How you doing with that red dough, blue?
Blue: I don't think it could look more exterminated.
Rusty: Ready to twist and shout?
Blue: You better believe it!

Christmas: What's with all the shouting?
Blue: Just singing carols while we work.
Christmas: I've heard more harmony from Cybermen.
Rusty: Those are fighting words, you seasonal Dalek!
 

Christmas: Well, I may not approve of your methods, but the results speak for themselves.
Rusty: I guess that means he approves of our work, Blue.
Blue: Forget about him. I had a great time making these with you.
Rusty: Agreed. I'll raise cane with you anytime.

The Unsweet Smell of Greatness

Pocket: So what are you thankful for, Cadet?
Denim: Right now, the fact that I can dial down my olfactory sensors.
Pocket: So you no longer wish to immerse yourself in the hot springs?
Denim: You made it sound rejuvenating. But now I'll opt for self-preservation.
Pocket: If you wish to achieve greatness, you must dare greatly!
Denim: Right now sir, I'd settle for not smelling greatly.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Blue: Those chocolate cereal bars were wonderful.
Rusty: It has been a delightful week
Blue: Saying good-bye will be hard.
Rusty: Never say good-bye, just "It was a pleasure Exterminating you."

Scales And Scoundrels

Rusty: Hm. Chocolate. Cereal. Marshmallow.
Blue: We may have discovered something wonderful.
Rusty: I suggest another sample to complete our analysis.
Blue: Agreed. Further study is required.
Rusty: Is it my imagination, or are the numbers below us increasing?
Blue: If you wish to indulge, you must ignore the scale.
Rusty: You mean, Exterminate All Scales?
Blue: No, but it's okay to ignore them, every once in awhile.

Portrait By Moonlight

Denim: Why is Mistress photographing us beneath these flowers?
Pocket: You know Human females. They like their Daleks, and they like flowers.
Denim: I must confess, sir. In this light, you look particularly malevolent.
Pocket: Thanks, Cadet. You always know just what to say.

Stoke Up The Boilers

Denim: After all our snacking this morning, one more bite could exterminate me!
Pocket: I warned you about pigging out in the Concession Car.
Denim: Well they kept feeding the engine coal, and stopping for fluids.
Pocket: So you were experiencing sympathetic refueling pains?
Denim: Does that sound illogical?
Pocket: Not at all. Now if you'll excuse me, this Grilled Cheese is calling my name.
Denim: I know. I hear it too. I'm in agony!

Sneaking Aboard the Durango & Silverton Narrow Guage Train

Pocket: Get down in there. Lower!
Denim: Why is this necessary, sir?
Pocket: We don't want to be discovered, Cadet!
Denim: Why? Master and Mistress usually take us with them on special outings.
Pocket: Not today. We're villains, remember?
Denim: Oh yeah, that's right!

Pocket: Surprise!
Denim: Reach for the skies, or we'll exterminate Exterminate EXTERMINATE YOU!
Pocket: Actually, we just want your money.
Denim: Yeah, we're hitting the concession car next!

Body By Davros

Denim: Sir, why do Humans get so excited about waterfalls?
Pocket: It reminds them of their mortality.
Denim: How so?
Pocket: The older they get, the more they're prone to fall.
 

Denim: I guess that's why Davros designed us with such wide bases?
Pocket: It's what Humans call Intelligent Design.

Sanitize And Sterilize

Denim: Sir, why is Colorado so green?
Pocket: Plant life is an infection, Cadet. Left alone, it festers.
Denim: So a healthy ecosystem is really planetary gangrene.
Pocket: Negative. Why do you think Humans build cities?
Denim: Because they want to live together?
Pocket: No, it's because they want to improve upon nature.
Denim: So a city builder is like a gardener.
Pocket: Exactly. A good steward removes, or exterminates, the undesired species--
Denim: Exterminate! Exterminate!
Pocket: --and plants and grooms only the species he wishes to grow.
Denim: Exterminate!! Exterminate!!
Pocket: Naturally, these include shops, apartment buildings, and factories.
Denim: Exterminate!!! Exterminate!!!
Pocket: You know, sometimes I forget how young and impressionable you are.

Great Sand Dunes

Denim: Scanning for large bodies of water. Results negative.
Pocket: You won't find one, cadet. This national park is an arid waste.
Denim: That does not compute. Children are playing. Families are having fun together. 
Pocket: Agreed. It is illogical. But Humans can find joy in anything.

The Dalek Express

Denim: So what was the importance of the Pony Express, sir?
Pocket: Before Dalek Blogs, the Pony Express ferried news and correspondence. 
Denim: How did the Humans exist without Dalek Blogs?
Pocket: They roamed the wilderness in wild packs, and lived in trees or caves.

Children Of The Corn

Denim: So, if you take the beans, can I have all the cream corn?
Pocket: Sorry, Cadet. I'm afraid we'll be fortunate to get more than a taste of anything.
Denim: You mean the Humans won't even be full after consuming all the beans and meat?
Pocket: I'm afraid not. The cream corn at Rudy's has achieved legendary status.

Garden Of The Gods

Denim: Sir, where are all the flowers?
Pocket: It's not a flower garden, Cadet. It's a rock garden.
Denim: So if I collect a bunch of rocks, I can call it a garden?
Pocket: I know, it makes no sense to me either. The gods must be crazy!

Priority Passengers

Denim: Do we qualify for pre-boarding, sir?
Pocket: I'm not sure, Cadet. We certainly ought to fly First Class.

The Papaya Conundrum

Denim: Prunes in a papaya, sir?
Pocket: Fruit and fiber, Cadet.
Denim: But we're on vacation, sir.
Pocket: Fiber never takes a holiday, Cadet!

Hawaiian Wisdom

Pocket: Ready to harvest the sugar cane, Cadet?
Denim: I'd rather explore the inland waterways.
Pocket: Reactivating the factory would be more productive.
Denim: Sometimes the best way to be productive is to relax and have fun.
Pocket: Dalek wisdom, Cadet?
Denim: No, just something I picked up from the locals.
Pocket: So you're saying, Ho'omaha? 
Denim: In a word, yes. 
Pocket: Mahalo nui loa, Cadet!
Denim: No'u ka hau'oli, sir!

Exterminate All Monsters

Denim: Curly fries are illogical.
Pocket: What is illogical is dangerous.
Denim: What is dangerous must be a monster.
Pocket: Exterminate All Monsters! Exterminate All Monsters!!

A Maritime Rhyme

Pocket: Molokini is so small
Denim: Just a horseshoe in the sea
Pocket: And not nearly as cute
Denim: As a Dalek like me.

Beach Dancing

Pocket: Cadet, prepare this floor for tonight's dance.
Denim: But sir, I wanted to do some paddle surfing.
Pocket: Always do what must be done, before what can be done.
Denim: Why must I do this?
Pocket: Even for a Dalek, dancing is essential to life.

The Return of the Hand

Denim: Alert! Alert!! Mutant Attack!!!
Pocket: Relax, Cadet. It's just Thing.
Denim: You mean it's not dangerous?
Pocket: Not at all. It's only the disembodied hand from The Addams Family.
Denim: It looks like it lost a few fingers.
Pocket: Sadly, it didn't fare so well in The Attack of the Killer Crabs.

Defending The Homeland

Denim: I wonder if this is what Skaro looks like.
Pocket: That war torn wasteland? Why would you want to go there?
Denim: Well, it is our planet of origin. 
Pocket: Earth is our home now. We must protect it from the Human warmongers.
Denim: But sir, some politicians claim that nuclear winter is survivable.
Pocket: What politicians? Let me at 'em! I'll Exterminate Exterminate EXTERMINATE them!

A Necessary Disguise

Denim: When you said "Catching rays," I didn't realize you meant Ray Bans.
Pocket: These aren't Ray Bans. They're just a protective and colorful disguise.
Denim: Why are we disguised again?
Pocket: We don't want the Humans to panic when they see us.
Denim: Or exclaim how cute we are, and take us home.
Pocket: Thus, the protective nature of our disguise.

Ensnared By Ambition

Denim: Sir, how can I possibly get everything into my picture?
Pocket: Focus, Cadet. Concentrate on one thing. 
Denim: But it's all so impossibly interesting.
Pocket: Yes, but what is it that you really want to paint?
Denim: Everything!
Pocket: Well, you can't paint everything.
Denim: I can try!
Pocket: That's the problem with ambition. It distracts you from the one thing you really care about.

Of Waves And Rays

Denim: Whoa, that was a big wave!
Pocket: That's why I opted to stay back.
Denim: I can't help it, sir. I want to see Master and Mistress snorkeling.
Pocket: What's to see? Two Humans swimming?
Denim: Oh, I can only imagine the kinds of fish they're seeing!
Pocket: I think I'll lay back and catch some rays.
Denim: Like Manta Rays? Do you think Master and Mistress could ride a Manta Ray?
Pocket: Why not? They're fairly resourceful. The sky's the limit!

Strategically Placed Carrots

Pocket: Nicely done, Cadet. You've assembled a very appealing tostada.
Denim: Actually sir, it's a plate of nachos.
Pocket: Of course it is! Master does like his lettuce, doesn't he?
Denim: I suppose he's gearing up for his trip to Maui.
Pocket: What? Why wasn't I notified?
Denim: I'm not sure. I did hear him mention that Rex and K-9 hadn't had a trip in awhile.
Pocket: This cannot be believed! He'd never leave us behind!
Denim: Don't worry, sir. I've taken steps.
Pocket: How do you mean?
Denim: Well sir, by strategic placement of the carrot slices--
Pocket: You're making a subliminal suggestion of those wild chickens that roam the islands.
Denim: I thought you'd approve.
Pocket: I'd approve of anything that gets us back to Hawaii. Even unauthorized exterminations!
Denim: Since when have Exterminations required official sanction?
Pocket: You know what I mean.

A TARDIS Tea Cozy

Pocket: So Cadet, what do you think of the new TARDIS tea cozy?
Denim: It should keep the tea infinitely hotter inside the pot than outside.
Pocket: Ah, you're riffing off that whole relative dimensions angle.
Denim: Well spotted. That's why you're still the boss. 
Pocket: Thanks, Cadet. I do my best to stay relevant.
Denim: Rest assured, sir, the Doctor may change, but you'll remain!
Pocket: Thanks Cadet. You're a keeper too.

Egging On The Species

Denim: Sir, what's the big deal with Cage Free Eggs?
Pocket: Humans want their chickens to fly, and be free.
Denim: Doesn't that make it hard to collect the eggs?
Pocket: That's the whole point, Cadet. They've created a whole host of new sports. 
Denim: Like an Egg And Spoon Race? Or an Egg Toss?
Pocket: Don't forget the most famous of them all: the Egg Hunt. 
Denim: So this Kindness To Chickens is really about breeding stronger and smarter Humans?
Pocket: How do you think they reached the top of this planet's food chain?

A Question Of Loyalties

I'm tempted by the James Hunt burger. If only he had driven for Ferrari!

I guess I'll go with the Nikki Lauda Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dog.

Oh yes, and Kimi Raikkonen Chicken Wings with sweet chili sauce for starters.

Now hurry up with my order!

I'm ready to Consume! Consume!! CONSUME!!!

An Older Model

What is that you ask?

A Model A Ford?

A Model T?

Negative. Those are incorrect answers.

This is a Model D Ford, 'cause it's Dalek Approved!

A Not-Exactly-Prancing Horse

Oh, what do my wondering eyes behold,

But a bright, spanky Ferrari,

With rear seats?

A Ferrari with rear seats??

What were those Humans thinking???

The Need For Speed

Say, that one would get me anywhere I need to be in a hurry.

It's not the right color, but I would consent to be seen in it.

Alert! Alert! Alert! Proximity Alert in Progress!

Yo, Cowboy Joe, step away from those horses!

They're too powerful for any human to handle!

One Cherry Cruiser

Dude, this is totally I car I could tinker with.

I bet it's comfy inside.

Plus, it's my color!

Okay, wrap it up. I'll take it.

Get down, Homies: It's time to chill!

Exterminating Easter

Gray: Ah, the perfect Easter treat.
K-9: Agreed. I could totally Exterminate Exterminate Exterminate this.
Gray: Well said.

The Mighty Merc

Ah, just what I need.

With Mercedes' tradition of finely crafted automobiles,

I'll be the envy of the Dalek world in this streamlined convertible!

Daleks Versus Barbarians

Denim: Sir, why didn't we get three malasadas?
Pocket: Because there's only two of us Daleks, of course.
Mini X-O: That's not very Visigoth of you.
Pocket: For the last time, we are not barbarians!
Mini X-O: You destroy indigenous populations, correct?
Denim: He's got a point, sir.
Mini X-O: You conquer nations and convert free people into slaves, don't you?
Pocket: I'll admit our hiring methods often get misconstrued by the media.
Mini X-O: You exterminate Exterminate EXTERMINATE all life from entire planets, yes?
Pocket: Yes, but Daleks are also easy going, fun loving, and sophisticated.
Denim: So can we give him part of our malasadas, sir?
Pocket: All right, give your barbarian friend a small tribute.
Mini X-O: That's rather Roman of you.
Pocket: Don't push it, Bub!

The Dalek Truth

I've been hearing a lot about "Fake News" lately.

Frankly, it's all nonsense. If it's been printed, it's true.

So I'm printing my own book. 

It's called The Dalek Truth.

Chapter 1: If you don't believe everything I say, 

I'll Exterminate Exterminate EXTERMINATE YOU!!!

The Dalek Truth will be available in all good bookstores.

While there is no requirement to buy, 

Supreme Dalek strongly urges you to do so.

Identifying With Percy Jackson

Alert! Visual recognition systems faulty!
What's wrong with me?

I can't concentrate. My energy levels are skyrocketing!

Wait, Percy Jackson suffers from dyslexia and ADHD. 

That's it: I'm a Dalek Demigod!

Beware the bolts of lightning this unit shall throw!

Honoring Hercule Poirot

Pocket: Look Cadet, despite the spillage, the waffles came out fine.
Denim: I guess I shouldn't have doubted the capabilities of a Belgian waffle iron.
Pocket: Indeed not. As if anything associated with Hercule Poirot could be defective!
Denim: Well, that's two done anyway. How many more shall we make?
Pocket: Let's do an even 90 and call it a morning.
Denim: Why so many?
Pocket: Well, Poirot's in thirty-three novels, a play, and over fifty short stories, isn't he?
Denim: Phew! We'd better get started then. 
Pocket: Hey, it's not like I'm counting all the theatrical, radio, TV and movie adaptations too.
Denim: Like the latest version of The ABC Murders, starring John Malkovich?
Pocket: Um...let's just pry these out, and pour in more batter, Cadet.
Denim: Right, sir.

The Belgian Connection

Denim: Sir, it's still leaking.
Pocket: I see, Cadet, I see!
Denim: Do you think we put in too much mix?
Pocket: No, we followed the French instructions precisely!
Denim: Yes, but sir, why didn't we follow the English instructions?
Pocket: Because French is closest to Belgian, and it's a Belgian waffle iron.
Denim: Do you think the machine could be defective?
Pocket: Defective? How could Hercule Poirot's home country produce anything defective?
Denim: Sorry sir. I guess I wasn't thinking.
Pocket: Say three "Hail Agatha's," and I'll forgive you.

Significant Life Achievements

Denim: I don't understand, sir. Exactly what are we celebrating?
Pocket: Did you not hear the singing? Did you not see the banner, or the cards and gifts?
Denim: No, I mean, why not celebrate significant life achievements annually, as opposed to merely marking off another year since one's creation?
Pocket: So you don't view avoiding Extermination as a significant life achievement?
Denim: I suppose you have a point.
Pocket: How nice of you to concede that, Cadet.
Denim: You're welcome, sir. After all, it's important to celebrate one's significant life achievements. Right, sir?
Pocket: Just cut the cake, Cadet.

If Lettuce Were Turkeys

Denim: What is it, sir? An albino Miniature Palm Tree?
Pocket: Don't be silly, Cadet. It's the last few leaves of a head of Romaine.
Denim: What? The deadly salad-monger of 2018? 
Pocket: Affirmative. Apparently, this head was decontaminated.
Denim: I'm not sure it'll be enough for Master's nachos.
Pocket: We just have to stretch the available supplies as best we can.
Denim: If we find a V-shaped leaf, we can wish that it will be enough.
Pocket: I don't think Romaine lettuce works that way, Cadet.
Denim: Perhaps not, but I can wish it did.

A Tricky Conversation

Rex: Query. What's so important about this chunk of celestial debris?
K-9: It's not an asteroid. It's an ammonoid.
Rex: It's not that cold. If it's not frozen, how could they transform the gas into a solid?
K-9: Correction. I said ammonoid, not ammonia. 
Rex: So its an alien then.
K-9: Negative. It's a fossilized shell, named by Human writer Pliny the Elder, after an Egyptian god.
Rex: Query. If the Human was called Pliny the Elder, what was the Egyptian god called? Pliny the Exalted? Pliny the Supreme? Pliny the--
K-9: Correction. Pliny named the shells after the Egyptian god Ammon.
Rex: I see. Say, I like beach combing. I could write books about what I find, and be remembered like this Human Pliny.
K-9: You won't find a shell like this. It's from an extinct sea creature.
Rex: Shame. We could use something like this to liven up the master's office.
K-9: Agreed. He could use it as a paper weight.
Rex: It'd be a real conversation starter. What caused all the interesting patterns?
K-9: The intricate design was caused by sexual dimorphism.
Rex: Excuse me?
K-9: I said, the intricate design was caused by sexual--
Rex: As I'm destined to be remembered for my great writings, and associated with the gods, I order you to delete that portion of the official analysis from the records.
K-9: Who did you say was going to be the great writer?
Rex: Savor your place in history. Behind every great writer is a good researcher and secretary.